Last Samhain was the first time in quite awhile that I’ve done any sort of ritual practice with others present. Being a coven of one usually isn’t an issue, but lately I’ve been feeling the absence of other pagans in my daily life. Old pagan friends have drifted away or crossed the threshold without new ones taking their places. I miss interacting with people who speak the same spiritual language.
As if I weren’t feeling nostalgic enough for things past, I received a little “saw this and thought of you” gift this week – a sandalwood rose Solstice candle. The giver had no way of knowing but this scent evokes strong memories of my earliest days on this path. It was a period of being broken wide open in an excruciatingly painful way. Time has eroded away the sharp and painful edges of those memories and softened the scars left by those days.
The unexpected gift was not the candle itself, but the realization that I am no longer hostage to those past hurts. The scent leaves me filled with comfort and hope, rather than reminding me of the heartbreak and sorrow that predominated the period. The giver has given a gift worth so much more than they can know. It is a good reminder that even a self-proclaimed solitary can still find love and support in the loneliest of times.
The candle is sitting on my altar at the moment, waiting for Solstice sunrise to be lit. Long may it burn and long may those friendships linger in my memories.