Life is full of change and mine doubly so over the last few months. I’ve realized that, amidst the changes, I’ve lost touch with any form of regular spiritual practice and ritual. The best I’ve been able to manage is mentally muttering a half-prayer/half-mantra/half-rant* that goes something like this “Enough already. Enough. Enough. Enough. Of FFS, enough already. Just stop.” Somehow, I don’t think this particular mantra is going to get me brownie points with anyone and certainly hasn’t gotten me any closer to inner peace or enlightenment. It hasn’t even managed to lower my blood pressure or reduce my stress. As mantras and prayers go, it might just be a failure.
It is time to be grounded – in several senses of the word. Most of the last few months have been spent in a constant state of heightened anxiety, one in which I felt separated from everything except the anxiety itself. To say the least, this isn’t a physically, emotionally, or spiritually healthy state of being. My initial goal is just to feel grounded again, to bring myself back into living moment by moment rather than fretting over what just happened or what might happen next. Forget out-of-body experiences- what I really need right for the time being is some good in-body experiences, some moments of feeling whole again.
Exactly how I’m going to accomplish this has yet to be determined. I know where I need to be, but haven’t quite figured out the best way to get there. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a Michelin map for this. Nor are the answers at the bottom of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream – already checked there. I think I’ll start by shutting off the computer and sitting outside in the sun for a bit. With any luck, my brain will turn out to be solar-powered and start churning out some ideas of what to do next.
*Yes, I realize that there are more than two halves listed. Can we just say that things have been so backwards that the sum of the parts has been greater than the whole?