Diving into the Darkness (PBP Week 7 – Very Belated)

I apologize for what has become an extended absence both from this blog and from the Pagan Blog Project.  I’m afraid that absence has extended to most of the ‘optional’ portions of my life as well.  Everything that is not absolutely essential to daily survival had to be put aside for a bit.  Life is still a bit sketchy right now, but I feel like I’m finally back in a good mindset to restart a little bit of my usual routine.

The chaos  began when the Morrígan showed up a few weeks ago, right around the time of my last post. I should probably explain that she isn’t a part of my daily life, but rather tends to show up when I am running headfirst blindly into situations that will result in disaster.  She is the deity that I associate with the tarot card The Tower, a harbinger of extensive change and  violent upheaval.  When tM appears, it’s a last warning that I’ve failed to heed all the smaller alarms and whistles.  It has become abundantly clear that if I ignore her warnings, mine will be the next load of laundry that she washes out.

English: An original card from the tarot deck ...
English: An original card from the tarot deck of Jean Dodal of Lyon, a classic “Marseilles” deck. The deck dates from 1701-1715. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Morrígan’s warning was pretty clear – get out of an unhealthy situation now or be destroyed by it.  It sounds melodramatic, but oddly enough, I find that tM tends not to go for melodrama and is far more likely to state the truth simply and plainly, if a bit bluntly.  The unhealthy situation is a work environment that had gone from merely annoying to decidedly  toxic and recently crossed into the realm of  soul-crushing and life-destroying. When I described the situation to others, the feedback was unanimous:  get out NOW. Still, even with the formal warning from tM, I felt incredibly hesitant to make a leap of faith into the abyss of potential long-term unemployment and financial catastrophe.  That chasm is a very dark and scary place, particularly when others are relying on you to bring home regular paychecks.

A week after tM’s appearance, I realized that, no matter how dark the abyss might be,

remaining in the situation was no longer an option.  I resigned from my job, diving headfirst into the unknown.  My mind was racing with possible scenarios regarding the end of my employment (most of which ended in disaster).  There was only one outcome that I hadn’t imagined – the one that actually happened.  Upon hearing that I’d quit, another manager offered me a position on her team. Once again, the universe left me saying “Ngk?!? What… wait…. what?”   I leaped into the abyss straight into another job.  Go figure.

I’m sure that there was a life lesson somewhere in this whole situation, but for now, I’m busy alternating between babbling in disbelief, melting into a sobbing puddle, and running around with flailing Kermit arms.  That’s when I’m not gathering offerings for tM and reciting prayers of thanks.  What a world…


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