I’m not sure how late this post is, but I know I’m ridiculously behind on my PBP posts. I’m going to call my lack of posts – and the complete apathy I’ve felt about that lack – an unscheduled hiatus, a bit of unexpected sabbatical. It’s safe to say that I’ve barely given a thought to the mounting pile of past due posts for the PBP. The moments when it’s crossed my mind, I’ve just shrugged, uttered “meh”, and moved on to something else. So what if it doesn’t get written… big effing deal, right?
Maybe it is a big deal, because apathy is not my general frame of mind about writing, particularly when I’ve committed myself to a project. On a normal day, I’d feel the pressure of unmet deadlines, even if I’m the only one who minds whether they’re met. Normally, if I’m behind, I’d worry over potential post ideas until I could actually get something down in writing. I’d schedule time for writing so that I could catch up. Lately, I’ve just looked at my to-do list for this blog and thought “So what?”
Curiosity finally got the better of me when I actually realized that the apathy meter had reached 110%. Why was I skipping out on this obligation? Why didn’t I care that I was doing so? After a few turns of the hamster wheel in my brain, I’ve come to the conclusion that 1). I’d grown very tired of the look of the blog itself and 2). more serious an issue, I’m not entirely happy with the blog itself.
The first issue has been, at least for the time being, been solved. After 5+ of using some variation of the Misty themes, I’ve switched themes entirely to something that feels a bit more casual and has a font that is easier to read (at least for my aging eyes anyway). Other changes to the appearance are, I think, pretty bloody obvious. The background is courtesy of NASA and the Hubble site. The current header photo, if anyone cares, is a digitally altered photo of a memorial at the grave of writer Conrad Aiken. I don’t have an particular affinity for Aiken as a writer, but those four words really strike me as a poignant way of describing the journey of the eclectic seeker… or maybe it’s cheesier than hell. In any case, I like it.
Since I’ve taken the time to fix the first issue, it’s probably obvious that I’m not planning to abandon this blog entirely, as I’d briefly considered doing. I haven’t been able to pin down what I don’t like about the blog, other than having a vague and irritating sense that it just isn’t what I want it to be. Part of the problem is that the blog has become focused almost exclusively on the PBP posts. While it’s been a great motivation to write regularly, I’ve felt obligated to give the PBP posts my focus, abandoning other ideas that don’t fit this blogging project when time and energy are short. I’ve struggled to find things that are ‘pagan enough’ because, truly, my path has multiple influences and while the overall flavor is pagan, there are other threads running through it as well. In the end, I needed to decide if this blog is to be focused on paganism or on the eclectic spirituality that I actually practice. You can probably guess which one I chose.
So, what does this long ramble mean? In the end, just this: the blog has a new look and I’m dropping out the PBP. Yep, it did take me several paragraphs to spit out those twelve words.